Indecent Proposals
by Dorthey Star
Summary: [complete] James asks Lily to marry him, but Lily doesn't want to and it takes James almost dying for Lily to figure out that she loves him.


"Indecent Proposals"

by Dorthey Star

~*~*~*~*~

"Lily?" James asked as they were sitting by the fire one Friday night near the end of their 7th year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. 

"Yeah?" Lily answered. She was sitting in the chair nearest the fire with James sitting across from her. The Common room was almost deserted. 

"Wanna take a walk?" he asked. Lily studied him for a moment. 

"Sure." They walked in silence for a few minutes until they were down by the lake. "You know," Lily murmured quietly as they sat down, "I read this lovely book once. In it there was a lake called the Lake of Shining Waters. _This lake reminds me of that one." James didn't say anything for a few moments. Lily noticed that he seemed nervous. _

"Lily…I…" James trailed off. He took Lily's hand in his own. Suddenly, Lily knew what he was going to ask her and did not want it. 

"No, James, don't. Just don't say it." Lily whispered, shutting her eyes tightly. 

"I must, and you know it. Since the day I met you on the Hogwarts Express during our first year, I have loved you. Lily…will you marry me after we graduate?" James asked. A fat tear slid down Lily's cheek. James made to wipe it away, but Lily stopped him. 

"I love you dearly, James, but only as a friend, nothing more. It wouldn't do for me to marry someone I didn't love like that, would it? I cannot marry you." Lily finally spoke and opened her eyes. His face was pale; there were tears in his eyes and anguish was written all over his expression. 

"Couldn't you learn to love me?" he finally asked. Lily shook her head. 

"I just want your friendship; that means so much to me I couldn't bear to think I'd lose it. I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what, Lily. Sorry for leading me on? For letting me think you cared for me? No, Lily, don't be sorry." He said bitterly. Moments later, he was gone. One by one, tears started to fall from Lily's face. She tried to stop crying, but she couldn't. She stood up and fled to her dorm. Once there, she threw herself onto her bed and started to sob. 

"What's wrong, Lily?" asked a sleepy Kara. She had been asleep, but once Lily had started to sob noisily, she sat down next to her sister-like friend. 

"I…" was all Lily could get out. 

"You refused him, didn't you. James asked you to marry him and you refused. Am I right?" Kara asked quietly. Lily nodded her head into her pillow, still sobbing. 

"I…" was all Lily could get out again. 

"Are you sure that was what you wanted?" Kara asked quietly. 

"I don't love him like that…please, leave me alone. I just want to be alone right now." Lily whispered. She heard Kara get off the bed and walked away. _Great, Lily thought to herself, __James hates me for refusing, Kara hates me for refusing, and I hate me for breaking James's heart, but I don't love him like that…or do I? That night Lily cried herself to sleep. Obviously Kara had told the other girls that Lily wanted to be alone for when Lily fell asleep, she hadn't been bothered. _

~*~*~*~*~

Remus was waiting in the Common room for Kara. She had asked him to wait down there because she needed to talk to him. Kara plopped down in a chair, her long strawberry blonde hair pulled back and her blue eyes shining with tears. 

"How's James?" Kara asked once they were alone. 

"He's pretty down. He'll only talk to Sirius and they talk in real low tones. What happened?" Remus asked. 

"I don't know if I should be telling you this-it's really for Lily and James to decide- but James asked Lily to marry him and Lily said no. She said that she didn't-and couldn't-love him like that ever. I s'pose he's heartbroken about that. He really did love her. _I thought they'd end up together."_

"How's Lily?" 

"Horrible," Kara sighed, "Last I knew she was crying on her bed. She wanted everyone to leave her alone."

"If she refused him," Remus said slowly, "then why is she crying?"

"She's mourning the loss of the great friendship she'd had with James. I s'pose they won't be talking much the rest of this year."

"Mourning the loss of a friendship…couldn't they still be friends, though?" Remus asked, for once not living up to his brains. 

"Imagine if Lily was your best friend. Then imagine that she asked you to marry her and you didn't have any feelings toward her like that. Wouldn't you feel awkward around her? Or the other way around. If you asked her to marry you and she didn't love you. You would feel just terrible around her." 

"It is a shame that they couldn't love each other and get married. I always thought they would."

"Everybody always thought they would. I mean, they look _perfect together. Plus 'Lily and James Potter' just sounds right. Could you imagine it any other way? 'Lily and Sirius Black,' 'Lily and Peter Pettigrew,' or even 'Lily and Remus Lupin.' Lily Lupin does have a funny ring to it," Kara said thoughtfully, breaking off into giggles. _

~*~*~*~*~

Meanwhile, in the boys' dorm, James was curled up on his bed. Sirius was next to him. 

"I'll never be able to look at her in the face again, Padfoot. She hates me, I know it," James moaned.

"She doesn't hate you, I'm sure of it." Sirius was trying to be comforting but it wasn't helping. 

"She refused me and said she didn't love me and couldn't love me for God's sake, Sirius! Anything at all between us-which I realize now was just a friendship-is destroyed and there is no way on the face of the earth that I will have a chance to get it back."

"Start dating other girls. You _know you have your own fan club, right? Start dating a girl. Lily will realize what she gave up and miss it."_

"What if she tells everyone what happened tonight? I'll be the laughing stock of the _whole school," James moaned in self pity. _

"Lily wouldn't do that. She's a nice girl," Sirius said quietly. 

"Nice girl, eh, Padfoot? She breaks my heart into a million pieces, but she's a _nice girl," James said acrimoniously, glaring at Sirius. _

"She didn't _purposely break it. She didn't even know she had it, James." Sirius said gently. _

"She could have married me," James said tonelessly. 

"Then she would have been miserable. Would you have been happy if she wasn't happy? You know, there's an old saying. 'If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.' That's the same way it would be in your house only it would be 'If Lily ain't happy, ain't James happy.' You _know that." James turned to face away from his friends, feeling lonelier than he ever had. _

~*~*~*~*~

During the last weeks of school, Lily and James avoided each other as much as possible. This was kind of hard since they were in the same year, house, and circle of friends. One or two of Lily's friends would go off with her sometimes-or sometimes she'd go off on her own-while on some occasions James and a couple of his friends would leave. Finally, the night of graduation came. Lily had secretly been dreading it because she was Head Girl and James was Head Boy. Every year, as Hogwarts tradition had it, Head Boy and Girl handed out the diplomas to the students. 

That night, Lily and James, dressed in black dress robes-with the Gryffindor symbol embroidered on the left hand corner in the front of them-stood on stage with Professor Dumbledore. Lily put on a happy face as she faced her fellow classmates. She was determined not to show some of them-namely a certain slimy Slytherin-how miserable she really was. _Besides, Lily told herself,__ James seems to have gotten over me. He's been dating that pretty Hufflepuff for the past few weeks. They were good friends before and everybody says they'll be engaged anytime soon. I just wish he would speak to me. Every time he passes me, it is a cold 'hello' or something of the sort. I miss his friendship and my life will be so different without it. It is strange the way I seem to not think of something and how precious it is to me-like James's friendship- until I lose it. Lily's thoughts were cut short as Dumbledore handed them the diploma's. _

Since there was a great deal of students in their year, it took a long time before the ceremony was over. Suddenly, music filled the air and everyone started to dance. As Lily made her way down from the stage to the floor, a tall, dark 7th year named Raymond Gillis asked Lily to dance. Eager to feel fun in her life once again after weeks of crying over her lost decision, Lily accepted. Happily, Lily danced the night away. There were several times when she was aware of James dancing with Hannah Ackroid, the Hufflepuff that he was dating. Hannah had long raven black hair, dark azure eyes and a peachy complexion with rosy cheeks. She was everything that Lily had once wished she had been. Inwardly, she sighed to herself. Saying goodbye and congrats to James that night was one of the last time she talked to him in nearly two years. 

~*~* nearly two years later *~*~

_Kara,_

_            The States are interesting. I've taken a leaf out of Mariah's book and I've been studying the local history here. There is so much to learn. I'm glad that Ray invited me, but there is something horrible that has forever ruined this trip for me. Ray asked me to marry him yesterday. Up until then I had thought I would say 'yes' when the day came. I mean, we've been dating for almost two years and I love him, right? Wrong. Well, we have__ been dating for nearly two years, but I don't love him. I don't even love him as a friend like I did certain people. He's kind, sweet, rich, handsome, but he is soo boring! I mean, it takes him a week to understand a joke that I tell him.  I need someone who is all those things (except boring) that has a good sense of humor. Well, not much else has happened. I'll be arrived back at my parents' house Friday._

_Love, _

_Lily_

Kara folded up the note that Friday and headed to her friend's house. She found Lily sitting on the porch swing. 

"Kara! How _good it is to see another familiar face! My parents obviously didn't get my letter. I wonder where they are. I've been sitting here for __hours waiting for someone to show up…" Lily said excitedly. She then added, "Oh, hullo," when she saw the man behind her friend. _

"Miss Lily Evans?" the man said. 

"Yes sir, that's me," Lily said energetically.

"I'm sorry, miss. Your parents, Mr. and Mrs. Darrel Evans were killed by a drunk driver last night…" the officer said. Lily did not hear the rest. She sank to the porch steps and put her head in her arms and cried for all she was worth. Kara sat down next to her and put a comforting arm around her.

"Dear, I _know this isn't the best time to tell you this, but I think you ought to know. James is very sick. The doctors don't expect him to live tonight. I feel horrible telling you this, but I know that you would hurt me if he died and I didn't tell you," Kara said, starting the cry herself. Lily looked up. _

"James? He's sick? how long has he been sick?" Lily demanded

"About a week or so."

"How come you didn't write me?"

"Because you seemed to be enjoying yourself and I knew it would ruin the trip for you."

"I need some time alone, Kara. Do you understand?" Lily said. Kara nodded and left. Lily fled inside the house and looked about wildly. Everywhere she could see memories; memories of Christmas with her parents and sister, memories of birthdays, of everyday life with the family she would no longer have. Then she thought of James. James with his messy black hair. James with his big brown eyes. James with his mischievous grin and his great sense of humor. James, the one she loved, the only one she loved. A large sob escaped Lily's throat. She sank down onto the floor, letting her tears flow. Memories flooded through her mind of her family; of her sweet mother, her patient father, and James. She saw James's face in her mind after she'd rejected him. The tears flowed harder. Lily struggled to her feet and ran up to her room. She laid down on her bed and wrapped the beautiful quilt her late grandmother had made for her. _I'll wake up and find mum and dad downstairs, waiting to hear about my trip. And in the afternoon I'll go see James-he'll be alive and well as I last saw him-and apologize. I'll tell him I love him. everything will be okay. Lily thought to herself, in a not very convincing voice. Lily, exhausted from crying, fell asleep. She dreamed that she and James came home and announced their engagement to her parents. It was a lovely dream. _

~*~*~*~*~

When Lily woke up the next morning, she heard noises downstairs. _Mum and dad are really alive, Lily thought to herself. At that moment, the door opened, revealing  Kara and Mariah. Mariah Jennings had been Lily's other best friend at Hogwarts. She had chocolate colored skin and dark brown eyes and white teeth and a large grin. But now the grin was nowhere to be seen. Instead was sympathetic frown. _

"Lily, dear? Are you awake?" Mariah asked. 

"Where's mum and dad?" she asked trying to hold back the tears. Mariah sat down on the bed next to Lily while Kara opened the large curtains. 

"They're gone, honey. Your sister phoned and said she'd be here tomorrow to make…arrangements. Are you okay?" Mariah asked gently. 

"Petunia…I don't ever want to see her again!" Lily burst into fresh tears. Kara sat down on the bed next to her. 

"Why don't you want to see her?" Kara asked. 

"She's a bitch and I hate her! she'll blame _me for…for…for what happened!" Lily shouted, not willing to say out loud that her parents were dead, knowing that if she said it, it would mean it was true._

"You don't hate your family," Lily, a voice came from the doorway. It was Sirius. Lily hadn't seen him since the day after graduation when they'd left Hogwarts forever. 

"I hate Petunia." 

"No you don't."

"Yes, I do."

"Fine." Sirius sighed tiredly. The past week he'd been sitting with James as much as he could and now he was finally getting some time to do other things. "Kara, I need to talk to you and Mariah alone." Kara nodded and followed him out of the room. Mariah made sure Lily was all right before following them. Lily sighed inwardly to herself and dressed. Once she was dressed she went outside. Lily climbed up in a large tree that looked out over the ocean that was next to her house. _I love him, Lily admitted silently. __I love James, I'm in love with James. I always have been, but I've been too scared to admit it. I love him and now it's too late. He'll die not knowing that I love him. Besides, he probably doesn't love me anymore. He loves that Hannah girl, right? I'm always hearing that we'll hear of their engagement any day now. It's too late…too late…Tears fell down her cheeks without her knowing it. Unconsciously, she started to sing softly. _

_"Rock-a-by baby, in the tree top. When the wind blows your cradle will rock. When the bough breaks your cradle will fall. Down will come cradle, baby and all." It had been a song that her mum had sung to her when she was a child and it gave Lily a great sense of comfort. _

"Lily? Mind if I join you?" Sirius asked from below her. Lily looked down and nodded at him. 

"I'm sorry, Sirius," she said suddenly when he was sitting next to her.

"For what?"

"For never writing or visiting you in almost two years."

"It's all right. I guess I'm as much to blame. Visiting does go both ways…hey Lily?"

"Yeah?"

"How's Raymond?"

"Don't even get me started on him," Lily said moodily. 

"Why? Did he break up with you?"

"No. worse. He proposed."

"How is that worse? I thought you _wanted to be proposed to. Isn't that the point of dating? Well, isn't it what the point of dating should be? To find that significant other?" Sirius asked, living up to his name for once. _

"I thought I loved him, I honestly did. He was kind, sweet, handsome, rich… everything a perfect guy should be, but he was boring and I didn't love him."

"So you said no?" Sirius asked, very surprised. 

"Yeah…how's James?" 

"He'll live. He's a lot better today. Kara came to talk to him yesterday and to give me a chance to shower and when I got back he was _smiling, something I hadn't seen him do in weeks."_

"Was Hannah there?"

"Hannah Ackroid? That Hufflepuff?" Sirius asked. 

"Yeah…you know, James's girlfriend-last I knew." Lily spoke slowly like she was talking to someone a few sandwiches short of a picnic. 

"Oh, _her. James broke up with her just before he got sick. I don't think he ever really loved her," Sirius waved his hand in an offhandedly way. _

"Sirius?" Lily spoke after a few minutes of silence, "Will take me to James? I need to apologize to him…"

"Sure…and Lily?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really sorry about your parents. I just found out."

"Yeah, well, so did I," Lily sighed. They climbed down the tree in silence and walked inside. Sirius led her to a fireplace. He threw a bit of Floo Powder. 

"Athena Hospital, Room 224!" Sirius yelled and stepped inside. Lily followed suit and found herself in a white room with a bed in it. in the bed was a familiar mop of unruly black hair and a pale face. His eyes were closed. 

"Is that James?" Lily whispered for need of conversation. Remus got up from the chair next to the bed. 

"Yeah. We'll give you two some privacy. C'mon, Moony." Sirius and Remus left the room. Lily looked at the door, wishing to go with them, but knowing that she needed to talk to him. 

"James?" Lily asked as she sat down in the chair that Remus had been siting in. "James? You there?" Slowly, he opened his eyes and blinked a few times. 

"Lily?" he asked sleepily. 

"Yeah, I'm here."

"What _are you doing here?" _

"Yesterday…after I…after I was informed of my parents'…of their…_untimely departure, Kara told me that you were sick and the doctor said you probably wouldn't live through the night. I had to come see you and see how you were doing."_

"Your parents are dead?"

"Yeah, they got killed in an accident," Lily said, starting to cry once again. James put an arm around her and weakly tried to pull her to him. She placed her head on his shoulder as his other arm encircled her. James closed his eyes and breathed in the sweet scent of this girl that was in his arms. 

"Are you going to be okay?" James finally asked as the tears stopped. 

"I'll be fine. Are _you going to be okay?" Lily asked, looking up at him with her red eyes. _

"_I will be fine," James said, mocking her playfully. _

"James?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I know you love me as a friend, Lily," James said gently, looking away from her. 

"No. I do not love as a friend James," Lily growled, making James look at her. "I am _in love with you. I always have been, but I just realized it when I thought I'd loose you to this illness," she added softly and sadly. _

"Are you serious?" James asked, his mouth hanging open. 

"Dead serious." Lily smiled as best she could. James brought his face up to hers and they joined in a kiss. James's kiss tasted of hospital strawberry Jell-O; Lily tasted like tears and chocolate flavored oranges. The door opened, unobserved to the two kissing people, and Sirius cleared his throat. Lily and James pulled apart, Lily's face was red. 

"Nurse Betty sent me in here to tell you two love birds to stop kissing. Lily, she said that James was too weak or something of the sort and that he needed sleep." Sirius grinned. Lily looked down at her watch. 

"I have to go back…Kara and Mariah will probably think I tried to drown myself or something," she sighed heavily. "It was great to see everyone again. Bye!" Lily threw the Floo Powder in the fireplace. She was back at her parents' house in a few minutes. Looking around the kitchen, seeing her friends take care of her, she knew things would never be the same. But she also knew, at that moment, that everything would be all right. 

~*~*~*~*~

Lily was sitting at her window seat, staring at the ocean. She would have been down on the beach, trying to get a tan, but it was storming hard. Lily was awed at how much her life had changed in the past couple of weeks. Mariah and Kara had moved in with her to keep her company. James was now resting at his home, recovering nicely. Lily had been to visit him often. Sirius was staying with James. James and Sirius planned to move in with Mariah, Kara, and Lily as soon as James was better. Remus didn't move in because "It would be too crowded," he said. Lily knew, however, that it was because he was a werewolf. Remus didn't know that Lily knew, however. 

"Great news, Lily," Mariah said, running into the room. "Sirius and James are moving in today!" Lily smiled, but it was a sad smile, which was all she could muster. The sparkle in her eyes seemed to have been extinguished forever. 

"When today?" Lily asked. Mariah didn't get the chance to answer because at that moment Sirius and James walked into her room. Sirius was as robust and healthy as he always was, but James…he was pale and out of breath from the walk up the stairs. He wasn't allowed to Apparate because of doctors' orders. He sat down wearily next to Lily. 

"Poor deer," she said and gave him a hug. He leaned against the cool window pane when she released him. 

"Hey roomies!" Sirius said cheerfully. 

"Are you beginning to regret this?" Mariah jokingly asked Lily. Lily smiled her sad smile once again and continued to look out the window. 

"Ah, you two are no fun!" Sirius complained and wedged himself in between Lily and James. Lily leaned against Sirius and closed her eyes. All she wanted right then was to fall asleep. And soon, she did.

~*~*~*~*~ 

Three weeks after James and Sirius had moved in, James was back to normal. It had been over a month since Lily's parents had died, and she looked to be recovering slowly, but surely . One day, while she was sitting looking at job adds in the newspaper, James came and sat down next to her. 

"Any luck?" he asked. 

"None at all. It seems to me that all the jobs in the Magical world have been taken. I might have to work as a waitress in the Muggle world," she said, not looking up from the paper. 

"Oh, the horror!" James grinned. "Hey, Lily? Do you want to see something really cool?"

"Sure. What is it?" Lily asked and looked up. 

"Come with me," James said. He stood up and offered his hand to Lily. She took it. "Close your eyes," James instructed. Lily did so and she could feel James leading her somewhere. 

"What are you showing me?" Lily asked. James didn't answer her right away. Finally they came to a stop. 

"Okay, open your eyes," James said eagerly. Lily opened her eyes and saw that they were standing in front of a mirror. 

"James…" Lily rolled her eyes and started to walk away, but was stopped by James. 

"Wait. Lily, I'd like you to meet Lily, the woman I love," James said stupidly. 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love you, too," Lily said and tried to walk away, but again, James stopped her. 

"I'm not done. Lily, I asked you this once before, and I'm going to give it one more try. Lily, will you marry me?" he asked and held up a ring box. Lily looked at James in the mirror. She thought about it. James's face fell. Lily suddenly grinned. She flew around and threw her arms around his neck. 

"Of _course I'll marry you, you twit!" she laughed and hugged him. He snaked his arms around her waist and twirled her around. Nothing mattered to Lily that moment- not her parents' deaths, not her sister, not anything- because she was going to marry James Potter. _

THE END

Disclaimer: the characters (except Kara and Mariah) belong to JKR. The plot (and some names) belong to Lucy Maude Montgomery (did y'all recognize it? When I read it, the thought of Lily/James just kind of popped up…). 

Author's Note: Ah, another day, another Lily/James story…er…anyways. Please R/R. I've taken time out of my VERY VERY VERY busy schedule to write this, you know. In fact, at this moment I should be finishing my homework. Ciao! 

Finished December 2, 2001


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